Hi everyone and welcome back to the Art of Onward!
Let's take two moments before we dig in:
1. What are you grateful for in this moment?
2. What are you proud of in this moment?
If you have time, write those down. If you're lucky to be sitting and reading, say those two things out loud.
In fact, start every day with a simple statement of these two things: What am I grateful for? and What am I proud of?
The secret sauce is in the combination of these two. Do it for a week - you'll see :)
Alright - moving in to the Villain & Victim conversation I've been led to write about today.
We have, every one of us, met those people who are in our lives to teach us something. These aren't always the life giving relationships we find ourselves in, but they are valuable nonetheless.
We have, every one of us, been hurt someone. It's a part of our human experience. People disappoint. Those closer to us can hurt us more deeply than anyone, with that hurt having the ability to follow us, haunt us, throughout our days and - of course, especially our nights.
So how do some people seem so able to carry on? To move forward? How are some people so stuck in the shadows of what's been dealt them?
We are here to help cope with betrayal trauma, ptsd incurring trauma, complex ptsd symptoms, and how to move toward a stronger onward than we had before. Because it can happen for all of us.
I am a prime living example of this.
Remember the post "Where focus goes, Energy flows"?
The same concepts works here.
I can sit and choose to focus on the villain of any given situation: someone cut me off driving, someone said something hurtful, someone broke my heart, someone cheated, someone pretended to love me when they didn't, someone took advantage of me ... All of these people are villains to us in a given situation.
To a greater or lesser degree, with varying lasting repercussions, but all are villains.
So how do I step around the temptation to become a victim? To give in to the hurt? How do I find my voice again, the one that sings louder than the pain?
How do I deal with the villains in my life?
Here a few questions to answer to yourself:
1. Whose responsibility is my life?
2. Do I want to build a level of control over my emotions?
3. Who controls my thoughts?
4. Who am I hurting if I don't take responsibility for my life and all it entails?
Okay. I hope you gave these questions a few moments of contemplation.
Now let's get to the crux of it:
I can stay focussed on all the wrong things in my past. All the stumbles in my path. On the hurtful people in my life.
I can! So can you.
And yes, where I put my focus, my energy will follow.
I can get stuck there. I can get so stuck that I can not move my gaze toward hope and beauty and light and love.
I have done this. I lived - no, I survived - too many months like this. Where the pain took control of me, and the trauma made its home in my soul. And that's okay. For a while. We go through the space of just needing to find a way to breathe. And in many of my posts here, I've encouraged you to take all the time you need to do just that. It's your time, and your unique timeline.
But a year goes by, another year. And at some point it's time to decide:
Focus on the Villains, Give them Permanent Power, and wallow helplessly in the wake of that.
* Take your Power back. Take it all back. Love yourself.
* Find your own self worth. Remember whose opinion matters most - YOURS - about who you are and what you are capable of - especially where healing is concerned.
* Find and build your Confidence with small victories and watch them get stronger and more frequent.
* Get a coach and move forward with guided help and caring insight. See a therapist if you want to unpack more of what has happened to you. More of what came at you.
By no means am I suggesting to rush the process, if there are recurring issues and triggers, find the safe help you need to work through those to find the freedom on the other end.
Build a support system, and take one tiny step at a time toward YOUR ONWARD. Doesn't need to be fast, doesn't need to be in giant leaps. It is a question of focus.
Your Energy is precious. It needs to go toward your healing and the rebuilding of your wholeness. Please don't waste it looking at the villains. You deserve better.
I think of villains as mud. I can be moving forward with strength, and suddenly something happens and causes me to step into the mud by putting my focus on the villain. I'm stuck. I can't move. The joy from a moment before has vanished. I'm in the mud, and I can not get out unless I somehow find a way to move my focus back to where it needs to be.
As long as I stay there, I've strengthen my feelings of helplessness. I've given birth to additional pain as I've welcomed it back into my life. It is dark here, and cold. And depression will return.
My hope and prayer is that as you read this, you are reminded to keep your eyes where they will find light, love, safety and healing. you deserve to be in the warm sunshine of wholeness.
And I know you can have it - believe it. I believe it 100%.
Feel my Love as I wish you strength and healing this week.
PS - remember your daily routine add-on: I am grateful for.... I am proud of...
PSS - I am here and available for a free 30 minute deep dive call. Feel free to be in touch with me to schedule time just for you. (firstname.lastname@example.org - this is a private and confidential email)