When I moved to LA, just two short and fast months ago, I knew it was still winter, even if winter here feels like a Canadian Spring.
What I didn't expect though, was three weeks of rain. I would never complain, my Canadian family and friends are all stuck in a deep freeze, and I am so very grateful to not be in that situation this year.
I love the smell of rain, I love the fact that this dry climate is receiving this very sought after moisture. The trees look happy, the grasses are growing ... still, rainy days are grey. And after three weeks of it, we were all jonesin' for sunshine.
And then it happened. Just a few days ago, the rain stopped. It's not super warm, but wow, that golden sunshine, the blue skies, the sounds of birds, and that energy is back!
When the tears stopped, I remember smiling. Actually smiling from my heart. No longer out of bravery through my stinging eyes, but out of a fresh joy in that moment I was finally able to relish in again.
I could go for coffee without tears streaming down my face. Trust me, that took a long time to get to, but when that day came, I felt like I was no longer a prisoner. I could go out and have conversation and connect with humanity. I could buy groceries.
I was free! Like a bird flying out of a cage. My wings getting stronger as I ventured out more frequently.
And every day, I was getting, and continue to get, better and better. Every day, stronger on my wobbly legs, as I built those life muscles back up and rejoined humanity.
When it's grey and rainy, we wonder if it will ever stop.
When we can't sleep through the night because our post crying sobs wake us, we wonder if we'll ever be whole again.
When we can't eat because our jaw has been locked for so long, we wonder if we'll ever eat a burger again.
And then, piece by tiny piece, we put together a new picture of our becoming. The image is different, that's true, but is that such a bad thing? What if beauty comes in all shapes and styles and the rainbows of our new vibrancy? The clarity now, the raised awareness now, the careful piecing together with choice of what we accept and what is no longer serving us.
I hope you are able to receive this encouragement I offer you here.
Believe, the rain will stop.
Believe, the cold harshness of life will not always be like this.
Believe, you are getting stronger and better every day. Believe, you are worthy of it. You are significant.
Believe, your sleep will return. And your dreams will not remain this riddled in suffering.
Believe, you are healing every day.
And if you are having a difficult time believing, try this:
Believe that I believe. You are making your way. You are finding your life muscles. And you will fly free again.
And when that day comes, the rains will stop, tiny touches of blue sky will allow the gold sunlight to hit your face, heal your heart some more, and give you energy to rebuild.
So much Love,