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I Forgive Me

October 16, 2019

Hi! I'm so glad you are here! I hope you find inspiration and comfort in this post, as you continue toward your healing. 

 

I FORGIVE ME

Oh if only this were as easy to do as 1 2 3. The thing is, when we are healing from trauma, there are likely people involved who inflicted the trauma we are trying to move on from. 

There is neglect to forgive, there is cruelty to forgive, there is apathy to forgive.  And somehow, it has become a significant part of our journey to recovery, to forgive each of these.

Repeatedly, if you are anything like me.  And we know the value to our own psyche when we allow ourselves to do so. 

We do the work, we make progress, we repeat and we take our well deserved, sweaty steps forward. 

We learn how to forgive without going back for more.

We learn how to channel our energies toward our own wellness instead of the growing anger and, potentially hate, toward the perpetrators of our trauma. 

 

Then there's this tiny phrase: I forgive me. 

Ah yes, there it is. How do I forgive the fact I allowed myself into that situation? How do I forgive myself for remaining silent? How can I possibly forgive myself for being such a fool as to put up with such emotional torture for so long? How did I let this happen? How was I so easily fooled? Manipulated? Conned? Blind?

 

It feels like an impossible burden to carry all that guilt on our shoulders, and an even more difficult mission to somehow forgive ourselves. 

 

Remember this though,

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD WITH WHERE YOU WERE AT IN THAT MOMENT.

Yes, this counts for hiding out of fear, or staying out of desperation, or allowing someone to hurt you or manipulate you out of the need to have someone, anyone, in your life. Yes, this counts for the times when you knew a change was necessary, but emotional and physical exhaustion kept you locked down. It was like your feet had been poured into concrete. This counts for indecision that kept you frozen. And anger that had you thinking you could have revenge before you could make that leap for yourself. This counts for your misguided belief in the potential of the other person, even when they never intended to live up to it. 

 

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD WITH WHERE YOU WERE AT IN THAT MOMENT. 

 

Say it out loud, write it down, keep it in your coat pocket to remind yourself. Being traumatized, neglected, abused, hurt, misused, manipulated and everything else that happened, was NOT your fault.

You did not ask for it, you did not deserve it, you are worth so much more than what happened. 

(read that again)

 

If you inadvertently hurt someone else during that time, make your apologies. With sincerity. but NOT to the person who hurt you (especially with narcissistic abuse, this will be a temptation for you). Only to anyone who you may have hurt (I'm thinking of children or friends that may have suffered during this time). 

And then be finished with it. 

 

Cast a kind glance on this past, revisit every now and then for lessons learned, but never NEVER pitch your tent there. The past is done and dragging it into your future does very dangerous things: 

 

1. it gives someone else or an event continued power over you (take your power back!)

2. it keeps you from the freedom you deserve

3. it hinders you from learning what you can, keeping you from moving onward the way you deserve to

4. the past will hang over you like a cloud, defining you and dragging you down and backward 

5. you will not be able to build your inner wholeness or the peace you long for and deserve to have

6. you will inadvertently continue to hurt your loved ones as a result

 

So hold your head high and ask for Divine Strength within to forgive yourself. 

Here are some processes you can try to help you: 

 

1. Write down words as they come to you describing what happened 

ie. lies, rape, ignored, manipulated .... 

 

2. Write yourself a letter forgiving yourself for "allowing" these to happen

My hope is that you will realize you are looking for forgiveness for things YOU DID NOT DO but that were DONE TO YOU. 

 

3. Look yourself in the eye in a mirror. Take a few minutes to just look.

Then repeat over and over "I forgive you" and "You did the best you could" 

 

I encourage us all to gift ourselves this exercise. If the tears fall, let them. If the anger appears, let it. Keep your eyes on your own and allow the Divine to step in and allow your healing process to take this step. 

 

I would like to leave you with this prayer for your encouragement: 

The Light of God surrounds You. 

The Love of God enfolds You. 

The Power of God protects You. 

The Presence of God is right where You are. And all is well. 

 

Much Strength and Love to you, 

~ Jewelle