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I Forgive Me

Hi! I'm so glad you are here! I hope you find inspiration and comfort in this post, as you continue toward your healing.

I FORGIVE ME

Oh if only this were as easy to do as 1 2 3. The thing is, when we are healing from trauma, there are likely people involved who inflicted the trauma we are trying to move on from.

There is neglect to forgive, there is cruelty to forgive, there is apathy to forgive. And somehow, it has become a significant part of our journey to recovery, to forgive each of these.

Repeatedly, if you are anything like me. And we know the value to our own psyche when we allow ourselves to do so.

We do the work, we make progress, we repeat and we take our well deserved, sweaty steps forward.

We learn how to forgive without going back for more.

We learn how to channel our energies toward our own wellness instead of the growing anger and, potentially hate, toward the perpetrators of our trauma.

Then there's this tiny phrase: I forgive me.

Ah yes, there it is. How do I forgive the fact I allowed myself into that situation? How do I forgive myself for remaining silent? How can I possibly forgive myself for being such a fool as to put up with such emotional torture for so long? How did I let this happen? How was I so easily fooled? Manipulated? Conned? Blind?

It feels like an impossible burden to carry all that guilt on our shoulders, and an even more difficult mission to somehow forgive ourselves.

Remember this though,

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD WITH WHERE YOU WERE AT IN THAT MOMENT.

Yes, this counts for hiding out of fear, or staying out of desperation, or allowing someone to hurt you or manipulate you out of the need to have someone, anyone, in your life. Yes, this counts for the times when you knew a change was necessary, but emotional and physical exhaustion kept you locked down. It was like your feet had been poured into concrete. This counts for indecision that kept you frozen. And anger that had you thinking you could have revenge before you could make that leap for yourself. This counts for your misguided belief in the potential of the other person, even when they never intended to live up to it.

YOU DID THE BEST YOU COULD WITH WHERE YOU WERE AT IN THAT MOMENT.

Say it out loud, write it down, keep it in your coat pocket to remind yourself. Being traumatized, neglected, abused, hurt, misused, manipulated and everything else that happened, was NOT your fault.

You did not ask for it, you did not deserve it, you are worth so much more than what happened.

(read that again)

If you inadvertently hurt someone else during that time, make your apologies. With sincerity. but NOT to the person who hurt you (especially with narcissistic abuse, this will be a temptation for you). Only to anyone who you may have hurt (I'm thinking of children or friends that may have suffered during this time).

And then be finished with it.