When you're sexually abused as a Child
When you are sexually abused as a child, you spend your life believing your needs don’t matter. You've been taught in no uncertain terms; a deeply rooted belief with which to begin and continue your journey through life.
Unfortunately the damage to the psyche doesn’t end there.
When you are sexually taken advantage of - used - as a child, another, very dangerous belief, is imprinted on your psyche:
The belief that you are here in the world explicitly for the pleasure of others.
At the pleasure of others.
What a damaging combination of presuppositions with which to begin life.
This is your normal. You don’t know any different, and because your intuitive questions are considered insignificant (remember, first and foremost, your needs don’t matter) they are not offered any air time. Your mind instinctively shuts those down and replaces them with self blame and guilt.
And here you are, gaslighting yourself, silencing the screams within trying to get your attention that this is all terribly wrong.
As a result, you often find yourself being taken advantage of by the toxic emotional vampires out there, ready to swoop in and take what they want. Which, because your needs don’t matter, you find yourself readily offering with high hopes. After all, this feels like “home” to your nervous system. All the information we find and upload into our left brain is somehow not changing the unconscious belief systems put in place during those precious, formative, childhood years.
Your unconscious is so accustomed to a certain state of existence, you accept this way of living, of being, of thinking, of surviving. Welcome to your perceived comfort zone.
These imprinted belief systems that were forced upon you are manipulating you with a type of intrinsic control that will continue to drive you to accepting toxic relationships. And you continue to lose your voice and, ultimately, your self.
As we continue to learn more about trauma being held in the body, it's no real surprise that physical ailments are common trauma responses; autoimmune issues, food allergies, irritable bowel syndrome, eating disorders, mood disorders, substance abuse, insomnia, and more, as your body tries to get your attention. The anxiety and panic attacks many of us experience are not helping with these ailments.
And then there are the other, less obvious, trauma responses. Unable to trust others, your life takes on a different type of loneliness. That perpetual feeling that you’re on the outside looking in, never quite belong.
Soon your hope for healthy relationship and your faith in the future is diminished to almost nothing.
It is not unusual to hear of suicide ideations at this point. There is little or no hope for positive change. I mean, you’ve tried again and again, and people just don’t stop taking advantage of you, right? The ones that haven’t, because of your low ability to trust others, haven’t “yet”.
And that soul deep loneliness continues to strangle your spirit, as you strain to find true connection, with your self and with others.
The exhaustion of being in this state of emotional survival has you just hardly getting through the day. And, as this continues, you tell yourself you have no energy resources left to get help, or to even hope anymore.
As I have said to my clients, before we begin our work, you clench your jaw to just get through the day, only to panic at the thought of night, because that 3 am is coming for you. Like it always does. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a little sleep before then.
Another trauma response I experienced was the feeling of being invisible. When your needs are not validated, and you’ve been robbed of your voice with constant diminishing of your opinions or thoughts, and your requests for help are ignored, the next step is to feel as invisible as you’ve been treated.
I remember being scared to cross a busy street one day in my early 20’s, I was certain no one could see me and would therefore not stop or slow down. I noticed what was happening that morning, and decided to always make eye contact with the driver to validate for myself, I am being seen.
So where do we find the healing opportunity in this situation?
We can go back to the memories, and we can regenerate them in a way that allows you to be in complete control, and always held in a safest of spaces as we journey together.
In my personal experience, the freedom that results after these 60 - 90 minute sessions, is unmatched by any other healing process.
This mostly unknown process has been validated by the most recent neuroscience and allows us to release the emotional anchors that are holding us hostage.
I have been testing these sessions for efficacy, and they really work. Not just for me but for my clients as well.
It is incredible to be in a place now where I can offer these sessions as a Certified RIM® Facilitator. What an honor for me to be able to journey with my clients, and see the anchors lift, the lights come on, power returned to its rightful owner, one session at a time.
Here’s a little piece of one of my own memories of abuse that has now been recreated to be empowering instead of filled with shame and guilt for me.
My memory of the actual occurrence hasn’t changed, but the emotional impact of being forced to touch someone, even though I was pulling my hand back as much as I could (I was only 6 so didn’t have the strength to yank my hand away), has changed.
You see, in the regeneration of this memory, I am able to yell loudly, and am strong enough to pull my hand back.
Because of that changed memory, what happened afterward now has a different weight to it as well. Factually, my hands were washed under scalding hot water afterward to “cleanse” them from the “sin”, but in this recreation of what happened, I was not forced to let myself be burned. I was instead able to run out of that room and escaped the entire scenario.
Now, when a flash of that occurrence comes at me, I hear my 6 year old self yelling NO and see her escaping that room. A smile of empowerment tickles my lips in place of the guilt and shame that was not mine to carry all these years and was holding me down in ways I hadn’t previously fully grasped. 6 year old me has been set free, empowered, and heard.
That moment is finally transformed with empowerment and a freedom I would not have had otherwise.
Oh, and the air of secrecy is gone too. That has been such a heavy fog over my unconscious that I also didn’t realize until it was lifted.
Walking in the light, without that heavy grey blanket allows me to see so much more clearly. And to live more freely, my intuition has been sharpened which has allowed my ability to trust to grow. I'm even learning how it feels to be loved, and how to receive that love.
And you can too! I wish this for every survivor of any kind of trauma and am so to be in the space now where I am able to facilitate this type of healing for anyone who is ready.
If this is you, please feel free to schedule a call with me here: https://calendly.com/artofonward/claritycall or shoot me an email at email@example.com.
I also offer a one on one coaching program that includes RIM® sessions, which we can talk about during our call to make sure 1, I'm the right person to guide you on your journey and 2, to see which option is best for you.
As always, sending love and courage and strength to you,
Remember to join me on social media:
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Facebook Heal & Rebuild Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/rebuildlifeaftertrauma