Trapped by Trauma
Hi and welcome to the Art of Onward. My name is Jewelle and I'm so happy to be welcoming you here. It is my deep wish you find inspiration and encouragement for your journey.
This past week I've been ruminating on the effects of being Trapped in the Permanence of Trauma.
It began with a metaphor, as it so often does for me:
The snow came down by the inches. The temperatures dropped and I was fully reminded, it's winter. My least favorite time of the year. You see, I thrive on the serenity and beauty of nature. It has such an invigorating and yes, healing effect, on my spirit. Perhaps, as a Canadian, I've accustomed myself to the facts of winter and snow and cold, but I'm a summer kind of a girl, windows open and fresh breezes on a warm day. Throw in the ocean or any body of water, and now I'm at my most content, vibrant, creative, alive.
Back to that moment of icy temperatures and accumulating snow. My first thought was to check the weather forecast and see when relief was scheduled to arrive.
I needed hope.
I needed to know there was an end to this.
I also needed to know for just how long I would need to brace myself before going outside and bundle up with extra layers.
I needed an End Date. Hope.
I knew that even if the low temperatures were to last for a week or a month, I would put my focus on the relief coming at some point. And I would get through it.
And then it hit me. THIS is why Trauma is such a deeply, well, for lack of a better word, traumatizing situation.
There is no end.
There is no app we can go to for the estimated arrival of relief.
What has happened is here.
To stay, taunt, torture.
To keep us up at night, jaws clenched, breathing shallow and basic survival mode, by necessity, our only focus. And even that is a slippery thing, as we try to grasp it.
And so enters the terrifying feeling of being trapped. Hands tied behind your back, unable to breathe, and the weight of it sentencing you to your knees.
You can't get away from it.
You can run, you can hide, you can fight it (Fight/Flight/Freeze), likely only causing yourself more trauma, more loss and grief, more pain. And in the end, you realize it's still right there.
Sounds like the actual Trauma Event, am I right? Trapped, Unable to get away, change, or control the situation.
Trauma then, is not only a one time incident, but continues to torment us with its permanence.
Complex Trauma is not only in our past, but continues its compounding assaults on the psyche by its sheer existence.
We are caught in a Life Sentence as a result of something we did not choose.
There is no fairness here. There is nothing JUST about it.
The results of trauma mirror the traumatic event itself, causing it to multiply its effects within our psyche, our subconscious, our bodies.
The aftershocks are brutal. The days are a blur as we anxiously await the night, only to then be tortured by the cruel tornados we find in our minds.
And the isolation caused by it all is an anchor dragging us into the depths of depression, the abyss of anxiety.
We find ourselves Trapped in this state. No Escape.
Many of us fall silent as the screams within gain volume. We hide our tears in the shower, convinced this constant struggle is too much for those around us.
If they're still there.
We begin to hear the growing call to end it all in desperation to Silence the Screaming Silence. End the Sentence. For Good.
And we Pretend. We post our filtered selfies and the latest memes that struck a chord within us and we convince ourselves that if we can fake it a little longer, we will make it. That some level of Magical Time will be the perfect healer. And the numbness sets in as our suffocating subconscious strangles our lives.
It's easy, from this perspective then, to see how so many people get trapped within the cycles of trauma. How too many decide they simply can't take it anymore.
I propose a Solution.
Begin to rebuild your you from there, prepare your nervous system gently and consistently to receive the healing you seek.
In my experience, maintaining a cerebral approach does not have long lasting healing effects. If any. The short term relief of talking about and analyzing your symptoms prior to addressing your intentional healing from that place of basic survival you've been forced into is ineffective and frustrating.
Medications may be useful for your short term stability, but should not be blindly added to the life sentence of Trauma Recovery.
Let's stop adding layers of bandaids to the broken bones.
Let's stop waiting for Time to reset our torment.
Let's stop numbing ourselves as we watch our lives fade into shadows of broken dreams.
If you are reading this and are ready to enter into an intentional process of healing that not only saved my own life, but is saving the lives of my clients right here as I write this, please don't wait. This is your life.
You only get one.
And you can have it back.
And you can love it again. Or for the first time.
You deserve to heal.
And yes, a million times yes!!! You are Worth the Effort.
Sending you strength and courage for your journey. Sending you love and light for your path.
Contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org anytime. Let's begin the conversation about getting you unstuck.