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The Wake Up Call of Gabby Petito

Many of us Narcissistic abuse survivors have been watching the Gabby Pettite story with a feeling of

"You see! Do you SEE!? THIS is exactly what I dealt with on a daily basis!"

Brian is calm and collected, very rational, as he remains control of the situation. Gabby is clearly distraught, crying and can't quite express herself properly to get the police to understand what she's dealing with.
Brian in control, Gabby is distraught and appears unstable

You know it well, them so calm, in control and making the world around you, and even YOU YOURSELF, believe you're crazy, out of control, and 'just being dramatic again'. (I mean, you're the one yelling and crying and getting all messy about this little thing.....)

This of course catapulting you into a constant state of somehow proving that this is not true. Which, in turn, feeds their control of you, your emotional wellbeing, and where your focus lands throughout the days and nights.

This state is so consuming, there is little room for anything else in your mind and, subsequently, your life.

So many of the women I speak to on a daily basis, including those that have chosen to work with me, begin our conversations with "I feel crazy".

Well, you're NOT. I will repeat it over and over. I've been there. I know how clandestine these abusers work, not only conning you with their convincing psychological torture, but also those around you.

And suddenly you're in this survival mode in complete isolation. The friends and family have disappeared, because you're too exhausted to constantly deal with the punishment after you DO make space for your other relationships, you become accustomed to doing everything you can to just KEEP THE PEACE. One more time. One more day. And maybe tomorrow you'll feel stronger. But you don't, because your abuser is sucking all your energy out of you.

And now your abuser has the relationship with the people you're no longer seeing, and has them believing you're nuts, losing it, so emotional and just ... plain messy. Out of control. In fact, you should probably get help. Or actually, just take meds, so no one ever finds out the truth about what you're dealing with on a minute by minute basis.

And look, you've been robbed of emotional support system

Quite the emotional CON isn't it.

Many currently still in a relationship with a Narcissist are trying to hide from the truth of just how dangerous their situation really is. Because they are afraid of the alternative - the lonely. And they have come to believe that this is all there is. It's either this torturous existence, or nothing at all. So the Narcissist sprinkles in just enough "good times" and what has come to feel like 'love' to keep you hooked, and blind to the dangers inherent in this relationship.

"But he's never physically hurt me"

Okay. Good. I'm glad to hear that. Is it a matter of time? We don't know. You don't know. What happens to a self obsessed person when you remove their sense of being in complete control?

Gabby could tell you, if she were still here.

Also, on that note, every time you are silent in the face of your abuser's torture, you ARE being assaulted. Mentally, Emotionally, Spiritually. And the longer you let that silence swallow you, the more your Physical Wellbeing is being attacked as well. It's not as immediate as a slap or a punch, but it's there - your body WILL begin to start yelling at you for attention.

It could be a cyst (like mine that grew from the trauma within a short and fast 4 weeks) or it could be an autoimmune issue (I also have a few of those now). Or migraines. Or extreme fatigue ... the list goes on. You'll know if you give yourself a true look right now.

So please don't think just because he/she hasn't hit you or assaulted you physically, that you are not being abused.

Ouch. I know. (today is about truth talk)

Hi, and welcome to the Art of Onward. I hope these posts provide you with inspiration and motivation to continue your journey to wellness and wholeness. To a deeply rooted, inside out, permanent recovery.

Today, my primary focus is to remind you YOU ARE NOT CRAZY.

That's right.

There is NOTHING wrong with you.

There is EVERYTHING wrong with the situation you're in right now.

Also, in light of the devastating end to Gabby's psychological torture, PLEASE GET OUT NOW. While you can.

Let's have Gabby's loss of life mean something for everyone out there suffering right now.

If this is you, please feel free to shoot me an email at or schedule a call with me here:

So often I hear this as well:

"He's been doing some work on himself and seems to be better now" (please know when I say "he" I am very aware that "she" is often also the case)


"We're in a good place right now, I think it'll be okay"

I haven't only heard these "I'll just stay here for now" justifying statements, I have LIVED them. Over and over. As much as I'm glad you're getting a little emotional respite during the good times, I'm also very aware that this is not permanent.

And living in this rollercoaster of psychological abuse is not sustainable.

If this post is tugging that core within you, the one that loves truth and wants to see you live the beautiful life you could actually love living, please take this message to heart.

Let's end the silence that holds us in place. Let's honor the YOU that is screaming YES to this post. And let's save your life. YOUR Future.

Sending you so much Courage for your journey. And wishing you a clear Light on your path.

Peace is possible. Happiness it possible. And yes, even true unconditional Love for YOU is possible.

Renewed hope to you,



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