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Frantic Courage

April 21, 2020

“Courage to change the things I can……..”

 

Nelson Mandela nailed it:

 

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."

 

    Fear sucks. Like, alot. Courage and fear work hand in hand, though. I already had a whole slew of issues that unnerved or even downright terrified me before all this global pandemic stuff and if that wasn’t a big enough list, now we have a few more. 

 

Previous to Covid-19 there were the usual concerns: 

  • How do I stretch my money to last until the next payday?

  • What if someone doesn't like me? 

  • What happens if i keep drinking and can never quit?

  • How do I lose this weight and keep it off? 

  • Will I ever have a good healthy relationship?

  • Can I stay sober?

 

Now, including the health scares and death toll number counts, we have: 

  • Is my job safe?

  • How can I keep providing for my family? Are they safe?  

  • How long will this last? 

  • Can I go to the store? 

  • When can I hug my family? 

  • Will my family stay healthy and safe?

 

     I’m telling you right now this frantic thinking is unnerving. At its worst you get the heart pounding, sweating, a wicked case of tunnel-vision and perhaps you want to do either cry or hide or both. I personally bounce between talking (and swearing so badly I make myself blush)  or not saying a single word because the words simply won't form. Zero comprehensive thoughts happening up there. Oh, and I think I have to puke now.  

 

So what do we do? What can we do?  

 

     You take a breath and a step back. So many of us want to be viewed as strong and brave with all the answers. In doing so we try to take care of everything around us. Sometimes to the point of excessively controlling behaviour. (Yes someone may have actually seen this in me too. Go figure). We think we will be happy if we have a hand in making people see and understand us - what we want. What we think. Letting go of that and just have life happen is frightening. Losing control is un