Do it Your Way
That's right. Do it your way. This healing thing. Healing is as varied and personal as a snowflake. We each have our own unique needs, which become even more specific during high stress times. No one knows what you need, when you need it, as well as you do.
I'm here to tell you, this is your time. Everyone and everything will learn to wait for you to enter your process. And for you to journey through this your own way. On your time.
I've always been a people person. I always had friends, I loved to go out and visit and gained a significant amount of strength from being a social butterfly.
This part of my personality changed a little over the years, as I focussed on raising on my daughters, but still, I loved to be with others.
Everything changed the day my trauma occurred. Everything. I tried to speak with friends, but couldn't get the tears to stop streaming down my face, and even over the phone stopped working, I just couldn't get past the sobs to actually have conversation.
A few months in to my recovery, I went for coffee with my parents for my birthday at the end of September, and still couldn't speak. I just sat there, mortified, because the tears would not stop streaming down my face. Right there, in public. For me, this was the last try I would make for months. Vulnerability was never my strength - yes, this blog is an exercise in that regard, because I hunted high and low for online help and found nothing but one site which was filled with so much anger and hurt it didn't help me at all - hence this blog, to help whoever I can, who is hunting for positive help, based on a real experience.
I want to encourage you to be okay with the tears. Regardless of where they decide to flow. This is a significant part of your healing journey. Give yourself permission to let them happen.
I want to encourage you to feel the outrage and anger. You've been wronged. In whatever way, and here you are, traumatized and needing to locate a new reality within your Self, and in your world.
I want to encourage you to feel the sadness. There is loss. Painful to the depths of your being, and this, too, needs to be felt and journeyed through. I've written in other posts about providing a safe place for this grief you are carrying, and I will mention it again - find a safe place, insist on it, for you to process your grief. There are long term ramifications if we do not process the grief with a deep respect for it. Perhaps go back to the breathing exercises I recorded for you a few weeks ago, to help with processing the intensity of the process.
I ended up hiding from the outside world. Friends came to my front door, and I could not get myself to open that door. Friends called me on the phone, and I did not answer. I wanted to, as I stared at the ringing phone, but simply couldn't. I disappeared from social media, because I did not want to write anything I would regret later. In short, I cut myself off completely. It was such a lonely time, and still, I could not embrace any sort of company.