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How To Hold On To Your Defined Why

How To Hold on to Your Defined WHY

That's right. It’s time to decide what you want. Do you want to heal? Do you want to continue to fight for your long term wellbeing?

Or do you want to just "try", because that’s what your world is dictating for you to strive for?

(Remember Yoda, and his "Try not, DO YOU MUST"?)

We can not fully heal if we do not decide to heal. Sounds awfully simplistic, doesn’t it? But yes, there needs to be a moment of decision.

Repeat these two options I’m presenting to you in these paragraphs, out loud, and see what they feel like after you voice them:

Yes, I will be a victim the rest of my life. It’s too hard … I don’t want to take responsibility for my now choices. My surroundings dictate who I am and I will remain being.


Yes, I will be a Survivor. I will not allow this trauma to define me, I will carve my path, although it now looks differently than I’d ever hoped or imagined, and I will put together the puzzle pieces of my life, and I will flourish and grow, I will tame my self talk, because the 60,000 thoughts I have in a day can and will be guided by me. I have the power to turn this around.

There comes a time when we choose.

Yes, or No.

Yes to me and life and love and shining in our uniqueness in this world, or no, I will wallow in this and stay here.

There are good reasons for both. And no-one will judge you for your choice. You have the right to go left or go right. This is entirely up to you.

Now, if you’ve decided on the second option of being the best You the universe has ever imagined you to be, then please, read on:

When I coached my acting students years ago, the first thing I’d have them do is write themselves a letter.

Don’t worry, I won’t ask you to do this, but hey, if it will help, you may choose to?

Yes, I’d ask each of the actors to write themselves a letter, describing their WHY. I told them in that very first session, there are going to be fabulous wins in your career, and there are going to be times when you call me and tell me you want to quit. It’s too dark, too lonely, too frustrating, it’s taking too long, it’s plainly too difficult.

And I was right. And during those calls, I would have them refer back to that letter. It helped. A lot. Every time. Like a refocus, a recalibration of ultimate purpose and, therewith, a renewed drive.

You see, if you want to just be famous, or a star, there are easier and faster ways to get there than to become an actor.

You must be in LOVE with what you are working on, each element, each step of the difficult journey. And you MUST (I repeated this about ten times to really drive this home) MUST have a deeper reason.


So let’s take that lesson and apply it here, to our healing journeys.

This is key, I promise you. Without it, the dark days will have their way with you, and you will lose the fire within you require to win this battle.

Close your eyes. Take thirty seconds and envision yourself in the life you’d love to live, healthy, healing, winning more battles now than ever before. On a strong a journey to being whole, to finding your new, and dare I say, better (yes, better!) you.

Where are you?

What are you doing?

Who are you with?

Are you healthy? Do you have energy that renews on a daily basis?

Now take another 30 seconds to talk with that version of You. Or longer. Ask them for advice if you’re inclined, or tell them how much you’re looking forward to that moment.

It may feel a little awkward at first, but holding that image for yourself, and visiting that person in your mind (who said time travel doesn’t exist, right?) will give you something to hold on, to strive toward, to work for.

And then, after that exercise, ask yourself WHY.

Why do you want to progress in your healing journey?

Why do you want to be whole, and why does it matter to you?

Okay, I said I won’t ask you to write this down, but that may have been hasty.

I say do.

Do write it down.

Write a love letter to yourself, and write down five things you look forward to doing, being, accomplishing, in three months, six months, 12.


Write down the WHO in your life, who will benefit from this battle you plan to conquer on a daily basis. Your children? Your partner? Your Spouse? Your pets? Your neighbors?

Okay. Well done. Now you are armed - when resistance knocks on the door of your You, you are ready. You have that ultimate reason to continue to fight.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, healing can be a battle, and you’ll need to fight for it. Some days are easier, thank goodness, some days are excruciating. This vision of who you will be a few leaps ahead, is one for you to hold, have, and nurture. Visit it daily, several times a day actually, and keep that vision alive and well in your heart, soul and mind.

It will carry you to your true you.

As always, I send so much love and healing to each of you.

Know this, you are not alone, regardless of how dark this day may have been, you are always surrounded by love and angels who want nothing more than to aid you on your path. They will carry you, and this vision you are holding now, will help them, and you, to know where to take your you.


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Facilitating Inspired
Healing & Transformation
after Trauma and Abuse


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