Love after Trauma
Hello dear reader, thank you for visiting the Art of Onward. Here is where I share the strategies and mechanisms I have either stumbled upon, or have created myself, in search to regain my inner warrior following complex post traumatic stress disorder.
This month being February, I have been led to contemplate and discover new truths about relationships. Not only romantically, but within every relationship in my life.
We are made to be in relationship with the Divine, the Power Breathing Us, as well as with our fellow humans.
The trouble with C-PTSD, is that the injuries were caused by at least one such human. We are now finding cracks and crevices in our ability to trust again, to really lean in to that joy of authentic companionship, that beauty of nurturing a relationship, that apparently life threatening allowance of our vulnerability.
How then, do we even contemplate such a forward step? After the lies and ensuing toxicity, how do we know who to trust, who to steer away from? After all, many of us have learned one basic fact: we can no longer trust our intuition. The gaslighting and emotional abuse has, among other issues, caused us to doubt our very own instincts, thoughts, thought structures, and intuition.
Many weeks ago, I wrote several posts about taking your time with the healing process. This is your time and you are well served taking what you need, when you need it, in order to fully come back in touch with your intuition and your inner warrior. That part of you that dances like a child at good news, readily embraces kind souls into your heart, and that part of you that speaks your truth without hesitation.
Remember that person? Until your Inner Child is beginning to shine its light, and your intuition is back at full strength, continue to take your time. (I thought I had, and believe me, I was a million per cent wrong, and was caused additional trauma as a result.)
When we've done the work, how do we dip our toes back into the waters of relationship? Who is worthy of such a risk? Here are some concepts to dive into:
* Being lonely does not mean you're ready. Being lonely means you need more time to nurture your relationship with yourself, to learn to be your own best friend.
* Are you spiritually compatible? I find this is the strongest predictor of a relationship. So find out as quickly as you can. If your personal truths and beliefs line up and compliment each other toward further growth, go ahead, dip that toe a little deeper.
* Are your conversations riddled with stories about your past and the person you shared it with? Sharing growth experiences is not the same as bringing your past, as a third entity, into your present and possibly, your future. (I am not referring to triggers or emotional issues)
* Do you feel as though your triggers and emotional needs are being met without censure? If these are not respected, move on my dear friend.
* Are you calling attachment love? Continue to question this as you move forward.
* Is your Inner Child welcome in this relationship? Are you willing to accept, and nurture, your potential partner's Inner Child?
* Are you ready to take responsibility for your own triggers? It's your job to share these with your potential interest (often as you remember them, or they show up ~ so many of them really are unknown to us until they make themselves known), and to ask them to help, but not make them responsible for them. These conversations will quickly inform you of your interest's intentions toward you,