Hi and welcome back to The Art of Onward - where I'm Using My Story to Inspire Yours.
There are so many aspects of emotional trauma - physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, and intellectual. Yes, I've separated intellectual from mental, because in my experience, these function on different levels and in different capacities.
In my past few posts I've talked a lot about self care, re-training your self talk to stop attacking you, and the paths I've followed that have taken me toward the next step of healing in those areas.
Today I want to share how I organized a massive counter attack on my intellect. The constant voices in my head and the lack of focus I was experiencing from day one following my "event", were threatening to take complete control of my life. It felt like they were actually gaining power, I was losing my power, and I feared I would never be rid of them. I didn't know how to shut them up! I just couldn't find a way to get control over my own brain. It was a very discouraging time, when I realized it had now been over two years, and my mind was still a jungle of cruel attacks. On my self, on what I perceived others had 'done to me', on my future.
One day I decided I'd had enough. It was time to make a change that allowed me to regain control over my mind, over my thoughts. No one else would or could do this for me, and I needed to fight back hard. I'm a warrior! Why was I letting this happen!? So I did. I fought back.
I found a course on Self Love. And then another on Relationships. I mean long, intense, highly educational 12 - 20 hour courses I could take on my own time, in the comfort of my home.
As time went on, my attention span became longer as I allowed my intellect an avenue to occupy itself in ways it hadn't in a long time. I've always loved learning, there is so much out there I don't know, and I became a sponge for knowledge. It started with the Self Love course, and kept building from there. Relationships, Psychology, Brain Patterns, Rewiring the brain, the list kept building. And still does.
Two incredible things happened once I began this process of feeding my intellect - which of course ended up nurturing my heart and mind as well:
1. I began to occasionally sleep through the night. And now, 8 months later, I'm sleeping consistently without any mid-night wake-ups. After two and a half years of very little, sporadic, tense, upset sleep patterns, this is truly a miracle for me!
2. I was able to receive my Life Coaching Certification in January '18.
Empowering, this sense of accomplishment, yes! Becoming a certified life coach was not at all in the initial intent, I was simply looking for courses that would strengthen my healing journey with the missing pieces I knew I still needed to tackle. The courses I was naturally drawn to were piling up in that direction without my conscious realization, and when I received the offer, it all came together in this beautiful picture of hope and purpose.
I didn't realize at the time that once I started to feed my intellect with what I knew would also help my heart, I was keeping it busy in a constructive way, a helpful, healing way, and it had less time to attack me. I began to implement things like replacing the "nasty voice" as I've shown you in my previous blog posts, and have, most importantly, learned how to regain control of my thoughts.
I was inadvertently paving the path toward a new future. I'd lost the one I thought I had that day in Summer of '15. And now, with this renewed sense accomplishment, I know I can continue to help those around me even more effectively, empower this blog with both my experiences and what I've learned in my courses, and recognize myself again now that I'm able to sleep at night.
If you're trying to change the messages in your head, the voices attacking your sleep, your heart, your wellbeing, try taking a course in something that interests you. An online photography, painting, or healing through writing - whatever makes you feel like it will keep your interest for its duration. Maybe even something you've always wanted to learn? I have my eye on a photography course next, and a photo editing class after that ... I'm basically booked, course wise, until the Summer. Not to replace the voices I need to hear, but to give my mind healthy things to focus on as I rebuild a life I would enjoy living.
If you decide to take a course to help train your mind to help you instead of attack you, comment below! I would be so happy to know what you're taking and if it helped your journey too.
Quick Tip - I often see inexpensive introductory courses advertised on Groupon ... the one I bought I never did actually have the time to take in time, unfortunately, but I know they're there. Baby steps. As long as you're moving in to a healthier place, you're taking the right steps.