Tornado of the Mind - My Massive Counter Attack
Hi and welcome back to The Art of Onward - where I'm Using My Story to Inspire Yours.
There are so many aspects of emotional trauma - physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, and intellectual. Yes, I've separated intellectual from mental, because in my experience, these function on different levels and in different capacities.
In my past few posts I've talked a lot about self care, re-training your self talk to stop attacking you, and the paths I've followed that have taken me toward the next step of healing in those areas.
Today I want to share how I organized a massive counter attack on my intellect. The constant voices in my head and the lack of focus I was experiencing from day one following my "event", were threatening to take complete control of my life. It felt like they were actually gaining power, I was losing my power, and I feared I would never be rid of them. I didn't know how to shut them up! I just couldn't find a way to get control over my own brain. It was a very discouraging time, when I realized it had now been over two years, and my mind was still a jungle of cruel attacks. On my self, on what I perceived others had 'done to me', on my future.
One day I decided I'd had enough. It was time to make a change that allowed me to regain control over my mind, over my thoughts. No one else would or could do this for me, and I needed to fight back hard. I'm a warrior! Why was I letting this happen!? So I did. I fought back.
I found a course on Self Love. And then another on Relationships. I mean long, intense, highly educational 12 - 20 hour courses I could take on my own time, in the comfort of my home.
As time went on, my attention span became longer as I allowed my intellect an avenue to occupy itself in ways it hadn't in a long time. I've always loved learning, there is so much out there I don't know, and I became a sponge for knowledge. It started with the Self Love course, and kept building from there. Relationships, Psychology, Brain Patterns, Rewiring the brain, the list kept building. And still does.
Two incredible things happened once I began this process of feeding my intellect - which of course ended up nurturing my heart and mind as well:
1. I began to occasionally sleep through the night. And now, 8 months later, I'm sleeping consistently without any mid-night wake-ups. After two and a half years of very little, sporadic, tense, upset sleep patterns, this is truly a miracle for me!